Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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