Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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