i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
