I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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