You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
