I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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