all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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