she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
