Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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