There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
