So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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