My Higher Power is John Stamos
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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