Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
