We're facebook friends in real life
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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