dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I looked at my own cervix.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i've created a new STD.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
