if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
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He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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