i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
