i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
