Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
