I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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