you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
