I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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