There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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