My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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