i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
