the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I looked at my own cervix.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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