When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My vagina is very pro this idea
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize