Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
