she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
