I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
