I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
