She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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