I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ttyl tear gas
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
