Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
