You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
