I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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