All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
