i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
