Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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