i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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