so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
