I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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