I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
