I didn't shave. On purpose
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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