if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
