a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The power of my boobs compel you
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
