god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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