Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(256): View more from Alabama

I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She's allergic to latex.

(678): View more from Georgia

Lucky bastard.

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(+91): View more from India

Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.

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(765): View more from Indiana

the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....

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(204): View more from Manitoba

they're like a gay fantastic four

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent

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(303): View more from Colorado

Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30

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(256): View more from Alabama

She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.

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