halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
