You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
