Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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