im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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