Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
