Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
