I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
