so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
