when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
