Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
