A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize