Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize