are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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