I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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