i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
