well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
